that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
i wish my penis had a tongue
I took a bird feeder and filled it with alka-seltzer. Can you say fireworks?
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
She was knocking on the tree demanding to be let in
One fish gets drugged and suddenly I'm labeled a bad pet owner. This is so unfair.
The question is do I invite my fuck buddy to my graduation party now that my girfriend found out about her?
I've got the dick your vagina needs, but not the one it deserves right now.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
