i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Oh my god, I am the best RA ever. I'm teaching my freshman girls how to deep throat on bananas as a group bonding activity. I'm making the religious ones eat them for potassium.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
red lips, whiskey sips, shaking hips, nipple slips. my life as a rap song.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
I'm sorry I couldn't bail you out, apparenty they dont take credit cards over the phone. Did you at least make any friends in jail?
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