I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
They sent me to the hospital. Apparently, of the many things I said, I looked at the doctor and told him, "Wow... it's like you're a REAL DOCTOR!"
Just saw a tranny in a skimpy captain america costume walking around campus. Going to follow her. You gotta see this
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
you know that moment when all the alcohol kicks in and suddenly you realize the bar is very loud and you just want to bite someone sexy and ride their face i am kinda at that moment
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
The last thing I need is a possessed urethra.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
