I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Drunkkker than when I told the drag queen she was prettier than me
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Everyone says I win the strip club
But I don't wanna live with them bc I need to be able to walk around naked and sex on any surface guilt free.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
