...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
We were done making out and had been asleep for a hour. I felt him put his hand on my butt. Then I farted.
He booked his flight from Dallas already, no ticket to the game, said hes gonna bang some girl at tailgait to get a ticket, I had to explain that it will be sub 20 degrees F during tailgate, he decided to come in july instead, Texans are dumb.
either way he was missing a nipple.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
Good, she had spurs on her boots. That is a sign for instant herp attack.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
Is there an "I fucked your brother" emoji?
There's no triumph quite like finally banging your high school boyfriend 6 years later
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