i literally forgot his name and just started calling him "waffles"
My life is like the prequel to "40 Year Old Virgin"
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
Friends don't let friends talk to people who live in Orlando. Sorry I've failed you.
Got hit on at a funeral service by cougar. I think I just got Reverse Will Ferrell'd.
He started crying and showing me pictures of his ex. she was really pretty. It's an honor to have shared a penis with her.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
I left the party 20 min ago..just thought i would tell you so you wouldnt think i fell in the lake again
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