I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I just really need to get the matching flask to go with my pill box. Is this another step towards rock bottom?
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
Guess who just made out with Sloth from The Goonies!
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I don't want to just hook up with random dudes. I've had enough bad sex to know that it's not worth hooking up with strangers
It's not?
Randomize