I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
he broke into my appartment and left me a waffle maker...
i told you that I felt like my feet were melting into the ground and you starting blowing on them to put out the "invisible fire". thanks friend.
Hey, next time you have sex, flick his balls, and tell him "thats for getting spit in jennifer's eye and laughing about it."
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Remember that guy I fucked last month? Well I'm watching his dog this weekend while he's in the Bahamas with his girlfriend. What is my life
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
I just got home and spray-tanned my boyfriend. That's the side of relationships they don't tell you about...
I did not get pleasing results from googling “Bob Ross goat”
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