that shirt you're wearing that says "officially single" makes me think you'll be that way for a really long fucking time.
I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
shape ups are the best shoes to wear when youre stoned. its like walking on little trampolines every step.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Maybe the "i killed someone" and "tequila makes my clothes come off" comments freaked him out.
Fine I’ll come with you but you better tell that guy to wear some longer shorts because the second I see a rogue nut I’m gone
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
