I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
She kept calling me her DD, which I assumed meant designated driver, so I was confused because I don't even have a car. Found out later it means designated dick. It's what her and her friends use as code for the guy they want to hook up with at the end of the night. I feel so used.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
I don't care if he's straight, his cock will be in my mouth by midnight. Like a closeted Cinderella.
I think we should roll her a welcome back, sorry your godmom's on life support blunt.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
HI MARY. THERE IS A RAINBOW AT OUR APARTMENT
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
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