Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
you know you've made it when it's your own pool table you're waking up on
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
Either I'm too drunk or she gave me a hand job to the rhythm of jingle bells.
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
I think the fact that I stole someone's mail and broke my big toe means that I should consider taking some time away from vodka
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
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