Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
i just found out that washing ur bong in the dishwasher works. its been a productive day
You stayed up for three hours wasted, feeding my rabbit 2 1/2 boxes of girl scout cookies.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So we came to a decision, you need to fuck your hot roommate and send us pictures. We voted, so don't hate the democracy this great country stands for
New Mean Girls drinking game: Everytime someone says Africa or Math, chug.
My night ended with a French cab driver offering me his sperm free of cost.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
She's got Mike in the bathroom. He's covered in meat.
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
I didnt know whether I was going to vomit or orgasm because I was feeling both sensations
Randomize
