chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
You may see me on espn tomorrow drunk, half naked, and selling articles of clothing to rich cougars like i did last year, but i will NOT be drinking shitty beer
Don't bother coming over to clean the mess. I already paid two kids 5 bucks for it, just didn't tell them you peed all over the place. You do owe me 5 bucks though
when was she peeing in the stairwell? why dont i remember this?
....because generally we only remember 40% of the night each, and have to fill eachother in. And that still leaves 20% that we will never know and its probably for the best
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
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