Haha na a cat just ran under your car. Howd that happen?
Probably a woman cat. Doesnt think things through
If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
believe me... letting the man that delivered you from your mother's vagina do shots off your stomach is really fucking awkward.
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
if your not going to answer your phone this is just going to be an embarrassment tomorrow
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
It was like inception, a dream, in a dream, in the back of a dodge charger.
L'Shannah Tovah!
Whats that? My new stripper name?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Wait... where the hell did you even find a live OCTOPUS, let alone green eggs and ham?
Randomize
