Do they make some cleansing product for your soul? Like mouthwash that makes you not a skank? Or is that what religions for?
Eh, i think it's called sobriety. But its not fun.
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
Ya, because touching his brother's face for 20 minutes in front of him wasn't bad enough, I also threw up in his garden and stole like 10 of his shirts before I left. But I fed his dog, so it's okay.
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
He just stared me dead in the eye as he continued to beat off. Then said "you were going to catch me sooner or later".
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
Since when do you jog?
Since hot shirtless guy that lives across the street jogs
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
