RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
i wanna stay in my bed and fart for a few more hours
Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
There's a guy at this party taking all the unfinised beers and pouring them into a pitcher so he can drink them tomorrow.
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
we started the countdown to drunken sledding this weekend.
I need to stop treating my body like that of a Vegas hooker on vacation in Ibiza
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
Here's what I don't understand. How does anyone watch you eat mayo for 12 minutes and then ever fuck you again??
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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