it's like i warped into dreamland and the only thing that makes sense is my solo cup
A few issues tonight. 1) Drunk since 1pm. 2) At the bar at 4pm. 3) James brought his sister, who has enormous breasts, isnt shy about cleavage, obviously slutty, and makes me want to do things that would even have Atheists sending me to hell. However, she's wearing glitter, so all Im thinking about is Edward Cullen. Go ahead and rip up my Man Card.
i love how you can even make your typing come across bitchy
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
I sent her a Relationship Request on Facebook last night, she accepted and we fucked.. I changed my Relationship Status to Single, I think she'll get the point
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
Thing I actually said tonight: "I want to achieve Ultimate level drunkenness, I'm only at Champion"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You know it was a good night when visa fraud prevention services are calling
I dunno what to tell you sport. Short of having a shock collar on, you're gonna wanna hook up with people.
Randomize
