bad idea #53- masterbating while on period.
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I think Vodka is my favorite. Everything else ties for second.
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
its as if im in a choose your own adventure book. except im not the reader and someone else is choosing my fate...one awesome decision at a time.
Randomize
