You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
You got in the cab and told the cab driver "we only have seven bucks so you better drive fucking fast".
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
the bright side of moving is at least my Tinder options will refresh
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Said he wanted to wear me as a loincloth. Not sure if sexual or predatory
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
yeah, i thought because of the nature of his job he would have been better at it, but i guess there's a difference between a bagpipe and vagina
Tomorrow I'm going to tape my thumbs to my palms and my biceps to my abdomen to learn what it's like to be a t-rex for a day. Anyone else in?
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
