dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
if you do not get any action from him tonight, I am personally walking my drunk ass over there grabbing his tongue and sticking it in your mouth. this is getting ridiculous
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
Important info for allergy season. An orgasm will unblock stuffy sinuses.
You were so high you insisted on spoon feeding me your KFC bowl while I was driving.
Was who let the dogs out playing?
Ya. You started barking when it ended
Fuckers are stealing our internet and making my porn stream slowly so I changed the password for VanceRefrigeration to RyansaCunt. No spaces but capitalization.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
We stared down the barrel of pure insanity, took more and the electric elephant god rewarded our fearlessness by giving me golden skulls and naked women crawling out of the walls. I love acid
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
I watched her follow him out of the bar, chase him around the corner and literally throat punch him. It was awesome.
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
Only the sound of Friends and my gulping of wine are masking the sounds of my roommate getting laid
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
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