This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
And then he told me he had the vodka, but he was still in line at WIC for the juice.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
I wish they made people sized litter boxes.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
I spilled beer everywhere which led to an oil fire and me melting a spatula again. And then I was late to class so I explained what happened to the teacher.
make that a herd of moose. they will be my moose minions
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
In the middle of pounding my asshole he stopped and said, "do you want to get breakfast after this?"
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