Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
My mom found a condom in my purse
Correction: my mom found a used condom in my purse.
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
In an effort to go green, I just used rainwater to fill my bong.
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
I wasn't interested in him...but then he played The Office theme song on acoustic guitar. I'm sorry.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
I think our prof has caught onto our drinking game. He burst into the room with a big smile on his face and yelled "essentially! Essentially! Essentially!"
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
...and that is the first time I've ever wished fewer naked women on someone I like.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
only 4 hours until nug lovin time
excuse me?
nug lovin. lovin nugs.
Randomize
