On a scale of affliction to ed hardy, how douchy is in there right now?
ugly people sure do ruin things
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
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That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Eating an ice cream sandwich while your little bro gets me weed. May I adopt him?
I DO NOT KNOW WHO SHE IS, WE HAVE NO MORE FRUIT, SHE CAN'T STAY HERE.
There was probably a tattoo above her soulless vagina that read 'it's a trap!' Yet you ignored it
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that was THE gayest party i've ever been to
To be fair, the theme was Cabaret. I don't know what you were expecting.
He said the first movie he ever jerked off to was Titanic because he knew "they were totally doing it in that car."
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
I'm drunk listening and crying to Selena. How's your Monday?
I knew I was in for a long night after I filled the empty pinata carcass with beer, bit off the top of one of it's legs and used it as a beer bong.
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