do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
I apparently took a 45 minute shower, and became best friends with his mom.
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
I told him we couldn't have sex because I was ovulating and "I come from fertile people."
The beer is more important than you right now.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The door to door salesmen do not expect you to be drunk at 3 in the afternoon
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I literally just skipped to the fridge when I realized we had enough vodka left to get day drunk
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
Randomize
