Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
Emee failed...She used my genitals as a tampon
My recently uploaded pictures to facebook: Me partying on Beale St. with a single girl on each arm. Ex's recently upload pictures: Several pictures of cats. I win.
we ike ciroccccc we love patroneeeee shost shothosthsothosthostsssss veryboyddddyyyy
go home
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
I hate him but I love him for what he does which is me
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
Drunk me is having trouble keeping up with sober me's standards
Randomize
