i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
This is exactly why you shouldn't bang your bartender. Although the awkward free shots are a plus.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Going to jail. Warrant. Be home late. For the love of god turn your ringer on.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
