you would have Pina Colada flavored saliva.
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
well i did drunkenly flip his snowmobile going 90, so i can kind of see why hes mad
Dontating $10 to the Red Cross relief effort in Japan for every car bomb I take tomorrow. Yes, buying me a drink just became a good cause.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
I think, at this point, getting pissed and declaring my love via reality TV would be an improvement
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
Guess who just got a Christian Beliefs class to seriously discuss the spiritual implications of dolphin rape?
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
We're now referring to our nightly Skype time as "strokes of genius." Long distance sucks.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
Randomize
