I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
i'm all for saving the environment, but when we get into the shower to fuck, he shouldn't flip his shower hourglass timer
If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Its like a 4.5 hour drive but there's drinking involved so I'm destined to go
A kid in my class brought a George Foreman and cooked food mid lecture. When the prof found out, all the kid did was ask if he wanted some.
it was really awkward meeting your mom for the first time while i was still wearing the condom we were using.
Code red. She won't talk to me. Maybe it has something to do with her raccoon eyes. Perry said there was a brief moment of towel fighting until you passed out. Did you draw the turtle on my ass?
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
I know he is still a student. I am not asking if his being an underwear model makes it more ethical, just less prosocutable.
just when his roommates walked in, we were naked in the kitchen. proceeded to awkwardly pretzel walk back into his room to cover each other (not that they haven't seen me naked plenty of times) and continue to have glorious morning sex. his roomates love me.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Randomize
