i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
My doctor literally wrote on the script NO SEX
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
apparently when a guy says "if there's anything missing in your life, I will provide" he's not expecting attractive lesbians to be the answer.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
that moment you remember partying with someone several years ago.. and don't remember if you slept with them or not.
Found someone cuddling with my Uggs this morning. Guess the hundred pillows laying next to him weren't good enough.
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
Randomize
