When I'm drunk and can't pee, I sing my abc's in my head and try to pee before I get to pee. Last night I forgot to do it in my head
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
He looks like the kind of guy that would jack off to weird things.
I thought he was joking about the hundred beer challenge until two guys showed up with a camera and boom mic. This cabin party is going to be fucked
I'm sorry I can't get drinks with you. I have to make sure my dad doesn't go to jail.
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
CUT OFF ALL YOUR HAIR COME ON MAN LET'S DO THIS
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
I don't need tinder boy anymore but I do need free sushi
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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