i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
I passed out and woke up with my pockets full of Lucky Charms cereal and chocolate coins. Another successful St Pattys Day.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
Fuck, now I'm not only the other woman, but the pregnant one
Manscaping on you would be like trying to clean up the oil spill with a dixie cup.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
She was doing lines off of her friends boobs in the limo at 9 oclock on a thursday This has the potential to be the best weekend ever
You tried to sled down the middle of the street. In. Your. Coat. Of course you are bruised.
And next time please put a text between discussing my orgasms and discussing your son - that was weird.
He sent me a picture of myself smashed completely butt naked passed out on the couch and said "at least I'll have these memories"
If only we could all 3 say fuck school to be stoner flight attendants
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
Lexi was drunk enough at 2pm to say "fuck tom brady and fuck you too" to literally every person at the store in Pats attire.
Now i know i wasnt that drunk... So why are there texts of me volunteering for a nude photo shoot for an art major student?
so, i take that as a legit invitation into his pants
Randomize
