You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Rylan was made in your driveway. Just thought, as godfather, you should know.
Most fantastic sex ever until her Doberman took an interest in what we were doing. There was nothing more terrifying then feeling warm dog breath on my ballsack.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
I just puked on a sprinkler…Motherfucker tried to spray me
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
beach body workouts will consist of dancing and cocaine, and sugar free redbull
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