Dude that chick in the corner just threw up
Hot
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
He had a beer bottle in each of his back pockets and was on rollerblades. All I remember is following him for about 10 minutes
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I also told the pizza delivery guy that he smelled good. I must be ovulating.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
You're a brave, albeit stupid soul for wanting in on the fuckery that comes attached to my vagina
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
