I bruise way too easily for the kind of rough sex I want...
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
That ACT prep teacher knew i was hung. I could see it in her eyes.
The cops busted down the door and everyone ran. I was just trying to find my shirt before I got arrested
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
just passed my midterm while getting a blow job. i love going to school online
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Yeah, but i got vodka and bacon out of it, so it's fine.
I have to charm this cab driver. Hold on.
Randomize
