'fingered' and 'feelings' NEVER belong in the same sentence.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
Hey! Thanks for asking, but it didnt go well. He threw up in the car on the way to dinner. Blind dates arent for everyone.
It has to be really easy to get midgets drunk.
I thought about donating plasma but thats not the way i want to find out that i have aids
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
I had lunch with him today and quietly mourned his wasted good looks on such a disappointing set of genitals.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
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