No idea how I passed that sobriety test.
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
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She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
when i first looked at you, you weren't wearing any pants. but then i realized you had them around your neck as a cape.
Tonight was the second time that I've pretended like English was my 2nd language to avoid conversation w a creeper.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
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Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
A good drinking club with a running problem, improves endurance in both I have observed this evening.
2 for 1 beer results in multiples of 2 so what should be a beer or two becomes 4 or 6. But running, alleviates the need for a DD.
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
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