i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
You kept shouting "Relax and take notes" every time before you would hit the blunt
CANT TOUCH THIS JUST CAME ON MY IPOD. LOVE STEVE JOBS
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
we were sitting on his couch watching tv and laughing at how funny the voices on the commercial were, then we realized the volume wasn't on.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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