Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
I'm making a contract of things you're not allowed to put in my ass
I guess since this is supposed to be my year of the lesbian it's okay
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
i swear, you were born with a blunt in one hand and somebody else's wallet in the other.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
We hooked up in his car and afterwards he cried. I think I need to find a new hookup...
But I've also made plans to crash a black tie event wearing a storm trooper helmet. I think I've found the love of my life..
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
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