Is it weird that I think of Ennis from Brokeback Mountain everytime I hear "Make em Say" by Master P? "I don't need your money. Huh." NA NA NA NAAA.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
so my mom thinks I'm picking you up just to go buy you liquor before you go back to school tomorrow...
I'm ashamed that your mom thinks I haven't already taken care of that.
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
If you were more comfortable around gay men, then you too could get wasted at the gay dance club and go home with hot girls.
My boobs just got me out of my third ticket last night
i'm so proud. i woke up to nearly seven feet of basketball player in my bed this morning
you win. again.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
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