Do you know that poor pathetic girl that we should be friends with
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
who do I fuck, the girl waiting for me upstairs or her roomate making me mac and cheese right now?? This is the single hardest decision I've always wanted to have to make
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
I've been crying in my room listening to Billy Joel for 2 hours. Thank God Four Loko was banned.
considering I showed up there after a xanax, 2 bottles of champagne and some coke, no shirt and someone else s husband... I'm sure you can figure that one out.
Would it be safe to assume you're the one that left my front door wide open and left yourself a trail of jaeger drops to find your way back?
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Appreciate the offer but I'm a huge fan of penis
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
Randomize
