anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
can you explain to me why you commented on every one of my profile pics with "tits and beer ftw" please and thank you.
i should start naming my morning wood
great idea but wrong number
I legitimately sent him a storybook of naked pictures.
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
It might look like I curled my hair last night but it's just the jiz.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
