I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
The only funny part about this situation was this morning when they rounded up all the drunks in the ER, piled us into a minivan, then dropped us all off at our houses.
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I'm going to have to have a long talk with god if my soul mate has a prince albert
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Her delivery came. She's ordered a pack of 144 condoms.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
my one night stand just gave me money "to buy a better vibrator" tis the season
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