When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
The world isn't going to end because you slept with him!
... that would be easier though.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
While we were driving she just screams from the backseat: MUMFORD AND SONS DROP THE BANJO and made what were meant to be banjo sound effects
I know I'm moving in six days but getting wine drunk and laying in bed just sounds so good right now
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Randomize
