I just tried to put my feet in my slippers and found cans of beer in them. Christmas in fucking july.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
His rebound girl is half his size, looks like a leprechaun, is majoring in theater studies and has arms like Rosie O'donnell. Do I win?
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
The worst thing about him living around the corner is that who ever suggests the booty call is the one that walks over.
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
I'm dying. The alcohol is viciously exiting my tiny body.
He looks like he was the one that always had koolaid stains around his mouth as a kid, he can fuck off.
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
How do you forget making out with a coworker in the dressing room at Sears on more than one occasion?
...object impermanence?
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
He will be so fat that the winter can not penetrate his blubber.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
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