I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
Food Network. Taking bong rips everytime we want to eat. BOBBY FLAY.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
See, thats where im at with my life, welcome to the slut yaht we will be cruising comfortably all summer at an extremely drunken relaxing pace S.S. Slut Bucket
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
No no no he wouldn't talk to me before I showed his best friend how good I am at twerking
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
Gramp just called her sex-on-a-stick. AKA HE CALLED HER A WHORE. My 75 year old grandfather just called your ex's new thing a whore.
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
I'm still drunk dear. I just woke up 3 feet from the front door with 20 dollars worth of taco bell in my hands.
Want a bet? I'm a kinky and determined motherfucker with a libido that is not easily stopped
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
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