So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
my math teacher staples burger king applications to failed tests
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
When did it become appropriate to call your mother the morning after? While still naked in bed? WHEN?!
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my fridge, one on my face, and a trail of it leading to my bedroom, and sauce all in my bed, and I have no idea what the fuck i ate.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
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