he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I changed my mind about Tim Gunn. I like him now. Mostly because he said someone's dress looks like a gay t-rex. Or something.
Tonight i am praying for god to turn my pussy into apple pie because i cant count the number of times bruce chooses food over sex.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
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so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
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You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
as a side note pls kill me
It's your last night of vacation right? Be the Oprah of dick. And you get a dick... and you get a dick, and you get a dick!!!
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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