Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
Just used my last prints at the library for brackets instead of final reviews. Hello March.
i have my graded calc test (94%) sitting on my empty case of beer next to my desk. this is me winning at college.
come find me. Outside the bar we were just in waving my syringe in the air
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Just letting everyone know that I am still alive after last night. On a related note, this is the 15th "I'm not dead!" mass text I've sent. You've got to celebrate the little things.
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
So, I need to know. Why did you spraypaint your underwear gold?
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