I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Can we please not be like these pathetic people in their thirties who only get drunk when they go see Sherrill Crow?
do you think theyll let us bring mariachis to the strip club?
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Why did you just send me a picture of your dinner?
CAUSE LOOK HOW MUCH SPAGHETTI I'M EATING
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
That was awkward , having sex with her while her husband watched via Skype. I'm a porn star or a target. Idk
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
Randomize
