I just took a girl with a hip brace and crutches on a date. she obviously can't bone. is it rude to demand a blowjob?
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
My financial advisor filed my girlfriend's abortion under "investments" so my wife wouldn't find out
She sent me a map and directions for a booty call. In a park. Give me reason not to marry her.
I literally was just rolling on the ground and said to her 'this is what dying looks like'
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
His dad and I had a drunk conversation about life. At 4 am he told me that I was 21 and cute and should fuck whoever I want.
Starting this Monday as I always do
With a desperate plea for help
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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