i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
his status popped up and said 'probably going to jail.' it took everything i had not to press the like button
Threesome last night. Not that cool, you tend to pick a favorite.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
i was congratulating myself on not falling down the stairs when i walked into the wall. it's like one step forward, two steps into the fucking wall
Minus the pink eye. Do I look fuckable tonight?
While we were making out, he kept yelling at me for not coming to his wedding last month.
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
Wesley I'm sober and my body hurts. There wasn't much trust in any of those falls.
idk the fact that her roommate had a sign that said "enter without knock, exit without cock" makes me really NOT want to go steal her pot.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
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