Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
her roommate was in the bathroom for over an hour so i volunteered to take the dog out and i shit in the bushes
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
buying my parents vodka for Christmas is like buying a normal person socks.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Nah the bridesmaids all had dates. I slept with the next best thing: girl who WANTED to be a bridesmaid but didnt make the cut.
Yea idk it was like early in the morning and you were walking around with no shoes carrying a printer
Question: would asking the hot guy from the grocery store to "beer me" his number be a poor decision?
He said to use 30 racks as chairs and then drink til we fall thru the box
You can't say "my boobs are wonderful" and not expect my drunken subconscious to focus on wanting to see them. Btw-can I see them?
I need to stop agreeing to hang out with people when I'm drunk.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
i just want things to go smoothly
oh they won't lmao
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
