I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
i'm surrounded by gay midgets. not sure if i'm bragging or asking you to come rescue me. wait for follow up.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
jess passed out on the pong table. it was depressing until we started singing shania twain an hour later and heard her muffled voice singing along.
You are colorful like whore, yet adorable, like sad puppy. You need more drink.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Dude, you need better judgement.Trust me I know. I put my dick in the wrong mouths all the time
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
