I think tequila should come with a little jiminy cricket
Got 6 blowjobs in one weekend... new personal best.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
i just figured out how to balance my wine bottle on my boobs so that i don't have to tip it with my hands...breathing has new meaning
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
I already banned bobbing for apples. While drunk that's just drowning near fruit.
Strip clubs just aren't as fun when a man tries to drunkenly grind on you.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
Got drunk tryed walking 12miles to zacks house woke up at noon on baseball park
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
