that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
i was like. eff you dude i'm 100% american. i went to a high school prom and i like springstein songs and i take rides in chevrolets.
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
Am I the only one creeped out by the guy asleep behind our couch?
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Kripsy Kremes at our place, bring your own coffee. And your own donuts because these ones are ours.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
She got up, grabbed me a box of gushers told me to start eating, and immediately gave me the best head I've ever gotten.
If someone tells me they're a paramedic, how inappropriate is it for me to ask what their save to kill ratio is?
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
