Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
I literally just saw a campus policeman riding a Segway pull over a moving car. you should just give up.
The lawn was on fire, but I fixed it.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
she's just been through a whole lot lately. When the crazy starts leaking out we give her vodka and lock her in the room with all the pillows.
so that's what that room is for...
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Sounds good. I'm hoping to have my life together by next week but you never know I guess.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
they are cutting me off...little do they know I am making a 75 yr old man i named Herbert buy me drinks now...no shame at 11 am...
Randomize
