I wanna bring you to show and tell
i can't watch a movie tonight dude, im smoking weed
you smoke with your eyes?
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Sign #1 that I'm not ready to be a mother: I'm shopping for "maternity fishnets".
thinking back, the fact that our bartender was missing a finger shouldve been hint number one not to let him pick our drinks
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
I don't know if trying Molly for the first time before my flight was an awesome or aweful idea
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Wait... why were you finger painting at one in the morning?
Randomize
