Michael Bay diarrhea
i just saw someone crawling up the stairs to the dorm while screaming "i have the best vagina!"
enterprise is going to pick me up, im too high for this
He waited exactly 18 minutes to booty call me after his break up.
I'm doing somethin that's never been done before...the 10 am booty call come over
He wanted me to blow him while he did curls and looked at himself in the mirror. Not sure if gay or ego maniac.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
We're currently sharing pics of our cats. I can't wait to sit on her face.
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
