Oh just a soda. I'm "driving"
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think I breastfed the cat at some point during the night, at least that's what my nipples are saying
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I stayed at the bar and helped clean up cause I was told I'd get free shots. Didn't happen.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Says the girl who left her friends to go have phone sex in the bathroom at Michael's
I just want you to know when I bang him in the back of my car later I'll have pony by ginuwine on repeat
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
Randomize
