And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
The bartender gave me a roll of masking tape so I could tape my heels to my feet so I wouldn't lose them when i went drunk running later that night
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
I swear I can't go out anymore. It's like he put a GPS in my dick. I don't know if I should feel awkward or proud...
...I watched him run on the beach yesterday and I think I started ovulating
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Well it might’ve been because you asked to play What Makes You Beautiful at the club
roommates are droppin acid, i really should stop them from staring directly at the light bulb, but their giggles are so enchanting.
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
Randomize
