the only difference between me and a prostitute was that i complained a lot more.
sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
you took a scissor and started screaming "I WANNA KNOW WHAT ITS LIKE TO BE BALD"
Who was that guy you went home with?
Hang on, I'm trying to ask his name right now.
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Liver, I have supported you for 18 fucking years. Pull your weight for ONE NIGHT and detoxify this alcohol.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I asked him to tell me a bedtime story, then threw up on him.
Everyone is coupling up and I'm just excited the bartender gives me enough attention to order more shots.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
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