I hid 4 bags of cocaine in your house. Have fun finding them
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
So this is where people who peaked in high school come to drink?
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Randomize
