Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
I have just figured that it takes exactly 2 and a half rums to clean the bathroom..
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
The fact that he just came out makes his Lent commitment to give up gay sex so much more meaningful now.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
My friends got engaged today and I learned the techniques of going upside down on a stripper pole. I'm not really sure who won...
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
Randomize
