I never want to see another naked old woman again.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
The Universe is CLEARLY playing a bad joke on your sex life
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
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