okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
No, that was before the police came, but after the hooker.
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
his dick got so hard in his pants and it broke his zipper
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
He is so sweet! He thanks me for sending him dirty pix. I should keep him.
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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