he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
Do you remember calling me a cuntasaurus rex last night?
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
And I feel like pitchers of margaritas accidentally make it down your throat a lot.
I mean, the lady at the Mexican restaurant insisted. She said she would win a prize if she sold another pitcher before noon. And plus I got to wear a sombrero
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
They don't even know who I am but they just woke me up with maracas and invited my boobs to a kegger
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
We couldn't leave for the bar until he spent 10 minutes adjusting his vaporizer. I want to drown him in beard oil.
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
You kept crying and I couldnt help but laugh at you, I was really high though.
Randomize
