He is like the real live version of the state fair..
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
The stripper on stage Is eating a mozzarella stick while on the pole....that's a new level of I don't give a fuck
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
Whoever invented the gimlet should be given a medal and then shot
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Since the world is still here you can go ahead and disregard those pictures I sent
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
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