I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Its like they don't get that I only talk to them before homecoming, thanksgiving, or any other time I go home. I love highschool girls.
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Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
I'd appreciated it if you didn't lick my boyfriends face again. I'm askin nicely. Thank you.
He told me I handled myself pretty well considering how drunk I was. He failed to realize that the lollipop I had was one I found on the ground a few minutes before hand.
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
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When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
Also: I hate her so much. She's out at hooters, making spelling errors, while I'm literally sitting at a clinic getting std tested. Which of us won the morality award in this break up.
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