I just woke up and shes still asleep next to me with her vibrator inside her and on. Whats normal protocol for this situation?
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
Say something like you want him to fuck you behind a McDonald's. Guys secretly love weird shit like that.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
He goes "what would you say if I told you I like to get it in?" def a potential soulmate right there.
Randomize
