erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
I'm eating tomato paste and drinking banana juice that is expired. Can we please get groceries tonight?
I opened a jar of Ragu so I could use it as a cup. You tell me how it's going.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I went commando last night, then accidentally flashed a police van...They acknowledged it.
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Virginity is like the pottery barn-you break it, you bought it.
Thanks....I've always wanted my vagina compared to an overpriced coffee table
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
So apparently Facebook just randomly finds the girl who gave me a hard handy despite having no mutual friends...
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
