So I've come to the conclusion that I would cry if I had an ugly baby.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
i lost my airplane ticket and tried to board with a bar receipt in all the confusion. i have officially lost all brain cells in college.
I don't think he understands the importance of corndogs. Or condoms for that matter.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
Some guy just hit on me and then said, well you look too young to ride the emotional roller coaster and guestured to his dick.
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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