cruising supermarkets, asking random people where i can get weed. fuck alaska
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
I bought a fake diamond ring to wear, not only to bars to keep the creeps away, but so that I'll be judged less by the front desk girl at Planned Parenthood
This gyro tastes like lonliness
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
And it's settled. 10 months is the appropriate amount of time before having the dick pic discussion.
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
