"it" just moved
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
you asked the janitor if you could ride his floor cleaner.
She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
when im done with her im going to need you to carry me on your shoulders as i poses victoriously for all those who were within earshot
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I'm at a new rock bottom. Malibu on ice at work because it's the only thing they've got and no mixers.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
I'm on a party bus with a stripper pole with middle aged women who have all started drinking
God bless your soul.
She could hold her breath for a long time. Best underwater blowjob ever.
How do you confess that you've had phone sex with your fiancé's brother's ex-girlfriend's new guy she's dating who has also slept with your best friend?
Randomize
