spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
What hospital were we in last night? Insurance needs to know
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
You'd think, but when you nail one sorority sister, you might as well have nailed them all.
For sure. Gotta go. Building an igloo.
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Randomize
