I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
I could write a book called "things that come out of my vagina"
when your friendship is based on dead babies and vodka there is a delicate balance. lesson learned. for what its worth, you are still my number one.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I just pulled the nickels from earlier out of my bra in class. The guy next to me is either terrified or intrigued.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
It's a good thing you're straight. You'd make a horrible lesbian.
You are a genius and a whore.
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