He is such a slut. More and more my type.
No stitches, just platelets and will power
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
Legitimate logistical question....how did you pee in your duct tape dress?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
I didn't want to leave, I wanted to move into his ass
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