okay so using the row boat as a giant snow sled probably wasn't the best idea.
I think hes settled down now. He's just licking the walls and the windows.
Just learned the hard way that dicks can bruise the back of your throat to the extent that you cant eat. You're dead to me.
I slept face down in the dirt because I wanted to go camping?
Standing on the street at 6am in Hong Kong drinking beer. Watching all the hookers do the walk of shame from our hotel. How did I get here? Maybe all my bad choices in my life were really good ones?
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
As a matter of fact, I am on the treadmill with the Bottle of UV Blue as we speak.....
You got into a heated argument about Frankenstein's intelligence while double fisting burritos from taco bell.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
Last night I went to spank her while she was riding me and sack-tapped myself.
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Randomize
